Leaning to the Left

Writing from a liberal persuasion

Massachusetts to Ban Same-Party Marriage

Posted by Beau Winiger on April 28, 2009

Landmark legislation was introduced in Massachusetts today that would become the first of its kind to ban Republicans from marrying other Republicans.  The bill is the first in the nation that would attempt to legislate the union of members of political parties.

The bill was introduced by Senator Bob Cornhole, who says he believes the legislation is necessary to protect the sanctimony of marriage for the rest of his state.  “For far too long now I have witnessed the destruction of values that we as a people hold to be sacred,” Sen. Cornhole said.  “Republicans, with their love of war and torture, are actively working to destroy the very fabric of our society, and it is time for someone to stand up to their Republican agenda.”

The bill would not make it illegal for Republicans to wed Democrats, provided they agreed to refrain from imposing their beliefs on members of society.  “I don’t have any problem with Republicans,” says Suzie Carpetmuncher, a supporter of the bill.  “They should be free to do what they want behind their own closed doors, but they shouldn’t expect the state to endorse their lifestyle.”

The bill, which enjoys broad support across the state, would also make it illegal for Republican couples to adopt children or lead Boy Scout troops.  While there are no studies to support the idea that a Republican couple that raise a child will turn their children into Republicans, many members of the Senate have a gut feeling that Republicans raising children can’t be good.

Opponents of the bill claim that, if passed, the bill would treat them as second class citizens by denying them the same rights enjoyed by other citizens.  “My partner and I have been together for 8 years now, and for the state to suddenly say that we shouldn’t be able to marry is just unthinkable,” said a Republican that wished to keep his identity secret.  “How can the state expect to legislate how I feel.  I didn’t choose to be this way, I can’t help how I feel.”

When asked about such criticisms Sen. Cornhole’s office released the following statement:  “Yea, well that’s too bad.”

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